March 30, 2005
I mentioned a few weeks ago that you'd soon be seeing the Elliott's incoming chompers from every possible angle. Turns out, with a 7 month old, this picture represents every possible angle.
In keeping with the tooth/mouth theme, I want to bring you up to date, in excruciating detail, with the Elliott's adventures in, on, and around solid foods.
We started out about two months ago with Rice Cereal with Bananas™. He wasn't so hot for it.
Around that same time, we tried a chunk of Mango. No dice.
We discovered through these two experiments that his palate wasn't really tuned up for flavor yet. So we tried the cereal again, this time sans Banana™, and he suddenly cottoned to solid food. Unfortunately, despite having about 500 pictures of him eating so far, I have no photographic record of said cottoning.
I do, however, have pictures of his first green bean, which is fun to chew, when his aim is on.
Then there's the rice cakes. Oh Lord, the rice cakes. I like rice cakes, and he does too, but never was there a more disgusting creation than the excessively gummed rice cake bit. The Elliott doesn't actually eat the rice cakes, he just chews them and then excretes rice cake bits into his shirt, under his chin, in his eyes, and most permanently upon drying, into his hair. I'm very impressed by the quantum nature of these nasty little slime puffs. Despite a thorough cleaning and inspection prior to bed, there will always be at least one dried puff somewhere on his body the following morning. I'm convinced actively seeking them causes them to become invisible. Physics is fascinating.
But the number one favorite Elliott food is Cheerios™. He's decided they're pretty cool. That is, once he figured out how to get them in his mouth. Look at that pincer grip! Of course, it wasn't love at first sight, and they have similar adhesion and quantum properties to the slimy rice cake bit. Interestingly, they also turn him into a sportscaster.
Unfortunately, we discovered that you're not actually supposed to introduce Cheerios™ until they're a year old, because they contain wheat starch, so we had to pull them from the menu. He'll have to stick to rice cakes for now.
Literally. *Insert snare drum riff here*
Editors note 04-05-05. Upon re-reading the final paragraph, I realize that despite having a degree in English, I have structured the grammar in that first sentence to imply that one must feed one's child only year-old Cheerios™. If you're chuckling, you're a nerd too; I welcome you. Besides, it was a B.S. in Creative Writing, not Correct Writing.
March 29, 2005
Where did my itty bitty little lump of a baby thing go? This new model comes with all sorts of neat features, like breath holding, a decent scissor kick, and a kungfu poolside grip.
I've been looking forward to today for about three weeks, although I was a little concerned we'd scar him for life and turn him into a grade-A hydrophobe by starting him so early. I needn't have worried. Elliott took to the pool like a fish to water. Two demerits if you didn't see that coming.
The only iffy moment came when Sarah decided he was ready to dunk. In fact, he was not entirely ready to dunk, but in true Elliott style he shook it off like a champ. We'll try a dunk per class and see if he gets better at it, or learns to scream "Help! My parents are trying to drown me!"
Batten down the hatches, people, we've got nine more classes. You're probably going to be seeing a lot of swimming pictures for a while, because the only thing cuter than a dry Elliott, is a wet Elliott.
March 25, 2005
I'll admit it this time. It's actually Saturday. Friday was an early bed night. Plus this update was more technical than usual, as you will see.
Two letters again! Will we ever break the two letter barrier? I feel a little like Chuck Yeager.
Mom writes:
Elliott,
Your Daddy’s ego is easily bruised. You can be sure that I tune in daily to see your pictures and read of your exploits. I’m just a little shy when it comes to blogs.
Love, Grandma
My ego gets bruised, Mom, because it's so huge. I keep bumping it into things. I'm pleased to see you're reading though. Elliott is pleased you're reading too, because he loves his new (used) homemade sailboat suit and wanted you to see him in it. He will wear it this week with pride, and then shred it Incredible Hulk-style in another sudden growth spurt.
Jay/Dan, Uncle of the Elliott writes:
You should start archiving older entries on Elliott's webpage so that not everything loads up onto one page. You are getting a lot of pictures up, and load times on the site are going to start getting long. And you should put new pictures up more often.
That was the whole letter. As you can see, Jay/Dan is an engineer. But he has a point. I was going to wait until March was done, but it is starting to bog down a little, so check out that sexy new button on the left marked "February 2005." It's a portal to your wildest dreams.
As for new pictures, Elliott has been sick all week, which saps a good deal of his natural camera acumen. But today's picture is hot off the presses.
Have a good weekend, Elliottites. Adieu. And you should too!
March 24, 2005
If you don't know what I'm talking about, hold the mouse over today's picture without clicking.
Incidentally, that works on several of these pictures. There's also the occasional hidden link or two. Just watch for the changing mouse icon. If you get the pointy finger, click the mouse. Oh, the wonders of HTML and too much spare time!
March 23, 2005
March 21, 2005
I struggled mightily with the heading for this entry. I considered "Their Eyes Were Watching God," but since I inevitably degenerate into base humor, I didn't want to drag Maya Angelou down to my level. And then I figured, since I was going to end up there anyway, I might as well just start off in the gutter.
There were less tasteful options for tonight's photo. Even though my son has the cutest pair of buttocks anyone has ever seen, I choose not to display them here. This is a respectable establishment.
According to my Yoga book, this is called the Cobra pose. His form is a little off. His legs should be straight with his toes pointed out, but it's not bad for a pre-toddler. For a couple of days, he teased us by lifting his entire belly off the floor, but when he discovered that it was the only thing anchoring him from scooting abruptly backwards, he cut that out of his repertoire in a hurry. I call this the "Cra." Sometimes, he does a "Wl," but alas, the two seem destined to remain apart forever.
I have to admit, despite all warnings to the contrary, I'm pretty excited to see him start crawling. Even though we'll have to move everything off our bottom shelves and put up the baby gates, and cover the light sockets, and safety latch the cupboards, and sweep occasionally, I can't wait for him to start exploring things that are more than a chubby baby's arm away. I love watching the older kids at his day care shuffling around on the mats, climbing on the big pads and standing at the window waiting for their parents. I really can't wait for that last one.
Sarah wants me to enjoy the here and now with him, and I certainly do, but I've always tended to live a little for the future, and with the Elliott, there's so much future to live for, it's a little overwhelming.
Well how do you like that? Here we are at the end, and not a gutter in sight.
March 19, 2005
So I checked my Dave E-mail (the E in this case stands for Elliott) all week and nothing. I could have sworn I also checked Sarah and the Elliott's inboxes, and was under the distinct impression that I had confirmed both those cupboards to be bare. Thus, if you checked the site between 8 a.m. and 3:30 p.m. today, you would have experienced this depressing alternate reality.
But then I checked Elliott's box again this afternoon to see if the guilt trip had paid off, and it had... retroactively. Now that's power.
On 3-14, my Mom (and supposedly my Dad) wrote:
What a handsome young man you are!
With much love,
Grandma & Grandpa Vashon
Very true. Can't really argue with that. Mom's usually more verbose than that, but she's also writing to a 7 month old who can't read or speak English, and she's stage managing Sound of Music this Summer (April 4/14-4/16, 4/22-4/24, & 4/29-5/1), so she's a tad pressed for time.
The Bruce, #1 fan of the Elliott, also found time to write on 3-16:
Yo Elliott!
From today’s picture it appears that you have been working out. I commend you on your efforts to get “ready” for the real world, or at least be able to pummel your father by the age of two. Keep up the eats and never save the best for last.
Your #1 fan.
Note the combined ego boost for the boy and veiled threat of physical violence to myself. Bruce, you're not just a fan, you're a Superfan!
Oh yes, Elliott is helping me this afternoon and, no doubt due to the high volume of personal mail, was extremely insistent that I allow him to include this message:
sz f t yn nmnnn ny u nj nh n hynh
I have no idea what it means, but I think I see the first tiny hints of a future puzzle master. Will Shortz, eat your heart out. Please note there REALLY is no secret message there. Elliott just likes to pound on the keyboard.
Happy Friday!!! Still Saturday.
March 16, 2005
Ok, I suppose when you only weigh 22 pounds to begin with, the camera adding 10 more can be pretty dramatic, but damn! Why hasn't our child been featured in Weekly World News yet? Turtle Boy found in Portland Oregon!
Now before you go commenting on our child's future as the next John Madden, or Fred Flinstone, or Mickey's Wide Mouth Bottle, we have proof that our son does indeed follow the head-bone-is-connected-to-the-neck-bone model. Maybe we should stop giving him all those donuts. They go through the food mill so well, though.
Besides, a little fat gives the meat its flavor. Oh yeah, I'm definitely in the doghouse for that last one!
March 14, 2005
I don't know quite when it happened, but there are some definite signs of Spring in this picture. The stupid lawn needs mowing, I have to trim those dang hedges, and there's a HUGE baby in that thing on Sarah's chest. All sure signs that Hay Fever is just around the corner.
Like a swelling bulb ready to thrust forth green shoots of life, Gargantua has officially doubled his weight! Actually, I'd prefer there be no green thrusting. I think that would be a sign we're not bathing him enough. As Spring kicks in, he's turning into a real little character. While he's still very reserved in new company or strange places, he's a complete nutball when he's in his comfort zone. There's a lot of wiggling and tongue curling, and he's taken to slapping his thighs semi-rhythmically, like he's waiting for us all to do-se-do, then promenade. I'm trying to work on his "Yee-Haw!", which would complete the effect, but so far I can only get the occasional high pitched baby-squeal. Cute, but so cliche.
Perhaps most gratifying of all, he's permanently found his smile. No more begging; he just chucks the thing around. Are you a doggie? Here's a smile. Are you a Great Grandpa? Have some gums. Strange woman at the grocery store? Check out these gorgeous, dimply cheeks! Are you my father? Yes, father, even you will be graced with my grin.
Now I know why parents put up with so much garbage from evil teenagers. It's all bought and paid for in the first year of their lives with those big, juicy, incredible smiles.
March 11, 2005
It's Friday again! Since I spent Monday and Thursday in a coma, this week went by even faster than most. Fortunately for my antibiotic-addled brain, on Friday all I have to do is pick a really cute picture and then post stuff other people have written... and write nasty, uncalled for things about them.
I got a new submission from some crazy lady.
Laurene writes:
You don't know me....my brother, Bruce,
who is mentioned quite frequently on
your site, copied me your son's webpage. I entirely enjoyed the
photo of Bruce w/the word censored across his ugly mug! Very
flattering.
Anyway, as one parent to another - your site is great & your son
is adorable, not as adorable as mine, mind you - but he's a close
second! :-)
Just ask Bruce!
At first I thought she meant the Bruce, #1 fan of the Elliott, but then I read that part about her kid being more adorable and realized she couldn't have been reading this site, so must just be some internut. Clearly, no sister of the Bruce, #1 fan of the Elliott, would be immune the Elliott's visual charms.
It was especially confusing because so much of the letter made sense, particularly the part about the Bruce being hideous.
Nat also wrote more wonderful things because she's very nice and great. She's also a writer, so cleverly crafted her message in such a manner that I couldn't publicly abuse her. Curses, foiled again.
Don't be afraid to write in, folks. I'm clearly harmless. I hope the Bruce doesn't beat me up. See you Monday.
